Secrets
by Mello's Guapo
Summary: Matt is fighting inner demons. Can Mello be the one to help him when it was his fault to begin with? I don't own Death Note or earn money from writing this.


_They painted up your secrets  
With the lies they told to you  
And the least they ever gave you  
Was the most you ever knew_

And I wonder where these dreams go  
When the world gets in your way  
What's the point in all this screaming?  
No one's listening anyway

It was happening again. Mello's voice was hoarse from screaming and still Matt played his game. Yet he wasn't playing. His hands were stationary and he just stared into the screen as if he were somehow willing the tiny hedgehog to move by sheer willpower alone. Mello threw his hands into the air, walking from the room. He felt suffocated and he wasn't even sure he knew the man in the other room any more.

He wasn't stupid, of course. He'd caught the signs early and he knew when to expect the closed shell to appear. It was hard though, it was always so hard to cope. Every year, around the 27th of September, Matt would close everything out. It was a struggle to even get him to eat, but a struggle Mello was prepared to make. He loved him too much. Perhaps that was his problem. He was _too_ loving.

He'd heard talk from Watari and Roger, as he'd hidden in the small cupboard at 12 years old, about the sanctity of Matt's mind. They'd spoken about his parents, and their death. Matt had been too young to remember and so they'd lied. Mello supposed if Matt hadn't discovered the truth then he'd probably be playing that damn game right now. But even as he thought that he knew that he wanted nothing more than for that to happen. Just so he knew there was a flicker of his Matt still in there.

It had been his fault that Matt found out. After hearing about Wammy's lies he'd ran straight to the room he shared with the red head, words falling from his lips as he blurted out everything he'd heard. He had hoped, or at least thought, that Matt would be happy. However his face had turned blank, hands stilling as Mario beeped at him to continue. Mello had known from then on that he would never be the same.

_Your voice is small and fading  
And you hide in here unknown  
And your mother loves your father  
'Cause she's got nowhere to go_

And she wonders where these dreams go  
'Cause the world got in her way  
What's the point in ever trying?  
Nothing's changing anyway

**17 years earlier**

"Who do we have here?"

Quillsh Wammy gave the small boy a genuine smile, lowering himself to his height. The bright eyed child had shied away instantly, lowering his head so much that his face became obscured. With a gentle sigh Quillsh stood up, acknowledging the other man. "Roger?"

Stepping forward Roger handed him the case file. "Mail Jeevas, born February 1st, 1990. Let's see... Parents were Maria Jeevas and Jude Jeevas." He skimmed the next few lines and gave a grim look to Roger. "Take Mail inside, get him acquainted with Mihael-"

"Mihael? Is that wise?"

Quillsh gave him a look which shut the man up instantly. "As I was saying. Get him acquainted with Mihael then come back. We have some things we need to discuss."

–

"Wouldn't it better to tell him the truth?" Roger asked, indicating towards Mail's open case file.

Quillsh shook his head. "He's only 4, Roger. How do you suppose we tell a 4 year old child that his father killed his mother and then himself? How do we tell him that he's the result of a messy affair? And how do we tell him that his biological father wants nothing to do with him? No. He cannot find out, it would damage him more than their deaths already have."

"Then what do you suppose we do?"

Quillsh sighed, leaning back in his chair. "Car crash. We tell Mail, when he's older and if he asks, that his parents died in a car crash. Don't look at me like that, Roger. It's for his own good."

Roger nodded with his own heavy sigh. "Very well. I hope you know what you're doing."

**End**

_They press their lips against you  
And you love the lies they say  
And I tried so hard to reach you  
But you're falling anyway_

And you know I see right through you  
'Cause the world gets in your way  
What's the point in all this screaming?  
You're not listening anyway 

Matt hadn't moved. In the 2 hours Mello had been in the kitchen, he hadn't taken a single step. Although he had put the game down. That was a start at least. "Matt?" He took a step forward. "Mail?" He thought he saw a flicker of recognition, but just for a second and then it was quickly buried again. Mello's teeth ground together, his hand balling into a fist. He wanted to scream, kick, punch, cry. Anything. If it would get Matt talking again. But even as he raised his fist he knew he couldn't. This wasn't his fault, Mello had been the one to cause this and only he could fix it.

It was going to take a hell of a long time, but if it was for him, then that was okay. Letting his hand fall to his side Mello sat next to his gamer, wrapping an arm around Matt's shoulder. Matt didn't say anything, but his eyes closed as he leant into the awkward one-sided hug. Mello swallowed the lump that had formed from just a simple gesture. "I'll fix this, Matt. I promise." and he would. Even it took him the rest of his life.

Standing up Mello pulled the red head up with him, taking him into the bedroom. Mello didn't rightly know if he should be doing this. Not with Matt in the state he was, but he couldn't help it. He hadn't felt close to him in so long. Matt's face showed no emotion as Mello lowered him to the bed. He didn't respond as he was kissed, or when he was gently rolled over and guided to his knees.

He kept the preparation to a minimum though he was sure if he hurt Matt at all, the other wouldn't even so much as blink. His hands shook as he lubed himself up, his teeth worrying his bottom lip as he nudged himself against Matt's entrance. "I'm sorry Matt."

Pushing forwards he let out a sigh as he stole his friends virginity. Though to say he stole it would be to make out that he had intentions of hurting him. No, Mello was going to treasure it. Treasure this moment. Forever. He thrust in gently a few times before stopping, his eyes wide. He had imagined that, hadn't he? His heart raced as he thrust in and he gasped on a sob as he heard Matt's small moan, as clear as day. In his shock he stopped completely, a hand at his mouth. "... Mello?" He crossed himself. Once, twice and a third for good measure. Matt was talking. "Y-Yeah?" Twisting his head round Matt looked up. "If you're gonna fuck me then do it already."

Mello could have cried. Who would have imagined that Matt's first time was enough to bring him back? He pulled out, ignoring Matt's protests and rolled him onto his back. "Don't groan at me, okay? It's been a while since you've been like this. I miss the closeness."

He tugged Matt closer and pushed in. All at once Matt's arms encircled his neck, moans and gasps falling from his mouth as his nails dug into Mello's shoulder. "Oh god... Mello. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." Mello held him, slowly thrusting in, his fingers wrapped loosely in Matt's hair. "It was my fault, not yours." he whispered, silencing him with a kiss, not wanting the moment to be ruined.

Reaching down he stroked Matt's member. He was rewarded by the sounds and sight of Matt reaching his release. "Vi ste prekrasna..." Mello gasped as his own release hit him, hands shaking as he came.

Matt looked up, slightly out of breath. "What?"

"I said... You are beautiful. And I mean that." Mello answered, leaning down to kiss him. "Don't disappear on me again, please? I missed you."

Matt nodded. "Te Prometo. Yo también te extrañé "

It was Mello's tun to look confused as Matt laughed. "I said I promise. And... I missed you too."


End file.
